Perfection. Do you strive for that? And if you can’t be perfect, do you just give up?
If that’s you (some or most of the time), we are going to dip deeper into how this philosophy and attitude affects your health – physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, relational as well as achievement of goals, and your career, purpose, etc.
What is the definition of perfection?
According to dictionary.com, perfection is “the condition or state of being without faults, defects, or flaws.”
Now when you think rationally, you know you can’t be perfect or achieve perfection, right? We know only Jesus was perfect on this earth.
But deep in our subconscious many of us want to be perfect.
What is perfectionism?
It’s not the same as being a high achiever. Perfectionism is having a personal standard or attitude that demands perfection and rejects anything less.
If you’re like some of my clients (or honestly, even myself sometimes), we can be highly critical of ourselves or others. But I find that usually we don’t expect perfection of others — mainly it’s ourselves.
What are traits of perfectionism?
- Fear of failure – You want to achieve goals but because you’re afraid you won’t reach them and/or you won’t reach them perfectly, you see yourself as a failure. Good enough equals failure in your eyes.
- Procrastination – This may seem odd for a perfectionist, but you’re caught up in the paralysis of worrying about doing something so perfectly that you don’t even try.
- Unrealistic standards – Often perfectionists set goals that are not attainable or set too many goals at one time.
- Focus only on the end result – You’ve got to be the best and achieve your goals better than anyone else or you believe that nothing you’ve achieved along the journey matters.
Now we may not say all of this out loud, right? But deep inside we believe it. We use highly critical statements, focusing only on immediate results, feeling depressed by unmet goals, and use all or nothing thinking.
Have you ever thought things like this?
I haven’t lost any weight over the past 2 weeks. If the scale doesn’t show it, I’m never going to see any results. (highly critical and all-or-nothing thinking)
Or
Why did I eat that chocolate ice cream today after lunch? That was so stupid. Now I’ve blown my healthy eating for the day so I might as well eat whatever I want. (all-or-nothing thinking)
Or
Why didn’t I get up early and walk this morning (or bike, work out, etc.)? I’m just beyond hope if I can’t even get myself up. (unrealistic standards)
Or
If I can’t workout/exercise/walk/do stress management every morning, then there’s no reason to even try for one day this week. (fear of failure and all-or-nothing thinking)
OR
I just don’t have time like she or he does to do ________ (eat healthy, cook at home, get up and walk, set goals, etc.) She/he doesn’t know everything I have to do. It’s just not fair… (victim mentality)
Or
I’ve got a wedding to go to in a month. I’m going to lose 15 pounds and fit into a dress 3 sizes smaller by then. (unrealistic standards – Now you may be able to do this somewhat with a fad diet and starvation, but you are going to feel awful, have no energy, maybe hair loss and hormonal problems, nutritional deficiencies, and you’ll probably gain it all back. Very unhealthy so I don’t recommend this!)
Or
I want to eat healthy, exercise, stress less, and sleep better and if I can’t establish goals to do all that in 2 -3 weeks, then why even try? (unrealistic standards and procrastination)
Please remember, you didn’t get where you are in 2 – 3 weeks so it’s being unrealistic to think you can get where you want to be in that short time. But you can begin with a couple of goals and small steps that will guide you to success at the end of several months.
What are the pitfalls of being a perfectionist?
Perfectionists actually achieve less and stress more than regular high achievers.
If you’re a perfectionist, underlying that attitude is that you actually want to be in control of situations, circumstances, yourself, food, or even other people.
And this can cause stress which can lead to sleep disturbances, psychological distress, depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, eating disorders, and problems with interpersonal relationships — not to mention difficulties in actually achieving your goals.
Because you’re never going to be perfect.
So what can you do if that’s you? Here are 5 strategies:
First, be aware and recognize that this is you. Acknowledge it.
Second, realize a change is needed for your own overall health and for your relationships with others.
Third, don’t set any goals yet. What? Really. You need to initially know what your core values are. Why? Because then you can set goals that are intrinsically (or internally) motivated, and those are defined by your values.
Fourth, start working on a healthier approach by decreasing the goal and by giving yourself more time to achieve it. Simply taking one or two small steps in a longer time period is so beneficial.
If you do this, you’ll have less stress and less negativity in your life. Plus, following your goals even 60 – 80% of the time really will yield results. Imperfect action is progress.
Finally, get outside help. You you may want some help from someone like me who is a health and wellness coach. This is part of what we work on during our sessions. Click here to schedule a free consult to see how we can work together.
You may also need to work with a mental health counselor, and there’s no shame in that at all. I’ve seen counselors several times in my life and highly recommend them. I can even refer you to someone or help you find one if you need it.
Remember, be kind to yourself and start small. Try some of the ideas we’ve talked about to help you in achieving your health goals and other goals in your life – no matter your age or what conditions you have. You are capable. I believe in you!
Leah Cheshire is a national board certified health and wellness coach as well as a speech-language pathologist. She has been in the medical profession for 30 years. Currently working as a health and wellness coach, she primarily works with women who have fatigue, brain fog, weight issues, and autoimmune and digestive symptoms. You can set up a free consult here to see if you’d be a good fit to work together.
