The invisible battle you wage against your human nature will be won or lost in your mind. You’re writing your own life story with each subtle thought you think. — Tommy Newberry
Did you know that 90% of your thoughts are reruns from yesterday and the day before? How do you think about yourself or others? How about the world? Your job? Relationships? How do you react to changes, setbacks, or challenges in your life? The way you answer those questions is key to your mental and emotional wellness and really your life.
Since this month is National Wellness Month, we began by talking about physical wellness last week (click here for that article). Today we will focus on mental and emotional wellness.
What is Mental and Emotional Wellness?
Both are significant parts of life that help us function well and reach our God-given potential. Mental health really is the broad category and includes the following:
- Emotional Wellness
- Psychological Wellness
- Social Wellbeing
- Cognitive Health
Mental health and wellness means being able to think, feel, and act in ways that positively impact your wellbeing.
Emotional health and wellness is a subcategory of mental wellness and includes the ability to manage both positive and negative emotions. When you are emotionally healthy, you are able to identify, process, and express emotions in healthy ways. You’re also able to deal with uncertainty, setbacks, challenges, stress, and change. You can work through conflicts with loved ones, friends, at work, at church, in organizations, appropriately handle people who cut you off in traffic, etc. You can look for solutions to problems that are not offensive to others. And you know when to ask others for help and support.
How specifically do our thoughts affect our body and mind?
- Thoughts affect your sleep, your digestion, how you handle stress, your pulse and heart, your blood pressure, and the chemical nature of your blood and other bodily functions.
- The mind-gut connection is strong. For example, think for a minute about walking into your house right now and you smell homemade chocolate chip cookies baking or if you’re not a sweet lover, how about walking in and smelling a lasagna or pizza in the oven? Are you salivating yet? The very thought of eating actually releases the stomach acid and enzymes because that actually is part of the digestive process.
- In the same way, anxiety, worry, and negativity can upset the delicate balance of digestion – causing bloating, pain, or constipation. Or in other people it speeds digestion up leading to diarrhea and frequent trips to the bathroom. Negative emotions decrease the production of your neurotransmitters, the chemicals in your brain and gut, that are needed for happiness, pleasure, and immune health.
- Repressed anger or hostility is related to numerous short term or long term health conditions like headaches, high blood pressure, heart disease, insomnia, digestive issues (Irritable Bowel Syndrome or IBS and Inflammatory Bowel Disease or IBD), increased risk of stroke, muscle pain, and anxiety.
- Are you your own worst enemy? I remember my mama telling me that when I was little because I tended to do that. And sometimes, to be honest, still do. I have to fight with my thoughts and the negativity that just comes naturally to me. And I work with private clients who often feel this way or who dwell on negative things so much, it is one contributor to poor physical health.
Do you ever think these thoughts?
- I’m no good. I’m damaged goods. Nobody loves me. Nobody cares. I can’t do anything right.
- Or maybe you think God can’t use you because you’re too ______ (old, fat, skinny, in pain, not smart enough, you fill in the blank).
- If you think any of these or others, I’m here to tell you that’s not true. Each of us was made in the image of God and is loved by Him. Bad things might happen to us some because we live in a fallen world. And we were given free will by God so sometimes we experience consequences of our poor choices (anybody besides me ever done that?). But also, others have free will and make poor decisions that affect us. I pray daily for my children, my husband, and I to make godly and wise choices and decisions daily.
I recently read a great book called “Enough: Silencing the Lies that Steal Your Confidence” by Sharon Jaynes. She says one reason even Christians are held hostage to memories of past sins, abuses, and lies of the enemy is that they swat at strongholds as if they’re mosquitoes rather than blasting them with the truth as if they’re concrete fortresses by years of construction.
Have you built a concrete fortress of your past sins, mistakes, things you knowingly or unintentionally got involved in? Have you built a foundation on lies that your mental tape seems to replay over and over? If so, the only way we can delete that tape or blast that fortress or change those old patterns of thinking is to pull out the big guns – the dynamite, not the flyswatter!
It’s not easy – I don’t want to tell you it is. We actually grow comfortable with those old patterns so we continue doing them or thinking the same. As Jaynes said, “We drag the ball and chain around for many years – the insecurity, inferiority, inadequacy, (and the unforgiveness – mine) around for years everywhere we go. We grow accustomed to the limp that we don’t even notice it’s there. We think that’s the way I am or that’s just life.”
But 2 Corinthians 10:5 says, “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” And that means rejecting the lies as soon as they cross our minds and using our God-given resources and the Holy Spirit to change. One small step at a time.
What are Practical Ways to Change our Thinking?
There are some things you can do and some you cannot do to help improve your mental wellness.
First, let’s start with what you can’t do. You cannot change other people. Nope, nota, not gonna happen. Now I’m all about praying for a change in others and persevering in prayer. But you cannot force anyone to change. Anybody ever try to get a two-year old to eat or go to the bathroom before leaving on a trip understands exactly what I’m talking about. Or how about getting your teen to share his/her feelings with you!
Realize you are not going to change others. Pray for them, set good examples, and then leave it up to the Lord.
But here’s the good news. You can change yourself. That’s who have control over!
So mute or delete that thought. You can change by making the choice to change what you dwell on – what you focus your mind on, what you allow into your mind on a daily basis. Now it may not be easy, but you can do it with the Lord’s help and by doing some things we will talk about in just a minute.
If you constantly dwell on negative things about yourself, your job, relationships, others, how someone hurt you years ago, the world, etc., then you need to take control and stop that thinking. When a negative or untrue thought pops up (and it happens to all of us many times daily), you become aware and say to yourself (silently or out loud), “NO, that’s not true. I don’t have to think that way. I may have made a mistake, but I am not a mistake. I have the mind of Christ.” Then if you’re a visual learner like me, pretend you place that thought on a leaf or stick and throw it into a moving stream. And watch it float away. Or pretend to put that thought on a ball, and kick it away. You have to throw it or kick it away immediately.
Next you replace that thought with another one. It’s not enough to just watch that thought drift away or tell yourself to stop. Replace it with truth – with what is encouraging to yourself. Come up with true thoughts like “I am a child of God and He loves me. Or I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. Or I am capable of doing this. Or I’m old enough or young enough to tackle ________. Or I am confident in my abilities. I am resilient. I choose joy today. I believe in myself. I am going to have an amazing day.”
Do this daily and several times daily as needed. It’s like the air we breathe. I put some of these reminders in my phone as a daily or weekly pop up just like an appointment to remind and encourage myself. Don’t give it a chance to set up house in your mind.
Seek outside help. If you need additional outside help, reach out to a counselor or therapist or your pastor. No shame in that at all. I’ve had counseling on and off throughout my life and find it very beneficial.
Control what you allow into your mind. How? By not listening or watching the news or negative things. I’m not saying don’t be aware of what’s happening in our world. But don’t leave the TV on all day on the news so it’s constantly bombarding your subconscious. I only look at the news on my phone every few days because I don’t want to be pulled down. Also, what type of music are you listening to ? Or movie or TV series are you watching? If you watch horror movies or movies with lots of obscenities, listen to music with foul language or watch movies with immorality or illegal things happening, you gradually will begin to think it’s “normal.” Guard what you read – the books, blogs, articles, etc. If you’re reading the latest hot and popular novel that has people jumping from someone’s bed to another, you’re going to believe adultery is okay. Maybe not consciously, but unconsciously it slowly erodes how you think. And that affects your mental and emotional health and wellness.
Control who you spend time with. If you spend time with people who are overweight, eat unhealthy, never exercise, then statistics show you will probably be overweight. It’s the same with our mental and emotional wellness. If your support group, friends, and family are all negative people, then guess what? You’re going to start imitating them and be more negative than positive. So seek out others who are more positive, have productive goals, want to improve their physical, mental, and emotional health and spiritual wellbeing. Join groups that are like-minded. For example, if you’re wanting to learn how to play pickle ball and play well, you’re not going to join people who sit around and eat chips all day or who get drunk all weekend, right? You’re going to find a coach or group who plays pickle ball. Who you associate with the most influences who you become. (It’s true for teens and true for adults as well.)
Finally, learn to be a grateful person. I don’t think it comes naturally to any of us. We have to be taught it and to practice it. Acknowledge what you can be thankful for. Research has shown that people who counted their blessings felt happier, exercised more, ate healthier, had fewer physical complaints, and slept better than those who had a list of hassles and bad things in their lives. As Brene Brown said, “It’s not joy that makes us grateful, but gratitude that makes us joyful.”
I hope all this was helpful in realizing that poorly managed negative emotions are not good for your health and wellbeing. Feelings of hopelessness, dwelling on bad things in our lives, thinking constantly about our past or how others hurt us only creates chronic stress which upsets the body’s hormones, depletes brain chemicals for happiness, and hurts your digestive system as well as leads to chronic health conditions.
And I don’t think any of us want that to happen, right? So today, pick one small step you can take that I suggested above. Maybe it’s turning off the TV, maybe it’s finding another book to read, maybe it’s adding a Bible verse or positive affirmation into your phone or on a post-it note so it’ll remind you to take that thought captive, or maybe it’s signing up to join a new group at church or at the gym. What are you going to do? It’s your choice.
I am a National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach and help women over 40 who have fatigue, digestive issues (like bloating, constipation, pain, IBS), brain fog, weight management problems, as well as thyroid and autoimmune conditions. We work together as a team, focusing on nutrition and lifestyle factors to help you have more energy, decrease bloating, think clearer, and fit into those favorite jeans again. You can do this! You just might need some help from someone who’s been there herself and worked with clients – helping guide, support, and encourage you each step of the way. Contact me here to set up a free strategy session to see how we can work together. — Leah Cheshire, NBC-HWC
